youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
