I'm jealous of your bromance
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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