We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Couch. On fire.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
