Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Randomize
