I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
no you cant smoke seaweed
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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