She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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