Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I want to fling myself into the sun
Randomize
