Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
