Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
