Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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