"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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