bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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