you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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