Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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