Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
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