You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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