How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Randomize