I like my sex mixed with concussions.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
