I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
