one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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