You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
