Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Randomize
