Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
