Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
sex in a hospital.. check
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
