I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Randomize
