She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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