i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
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