dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
