cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
