No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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