I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
