I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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