Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize