Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
