Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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