Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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