Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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