i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
