The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
