how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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