Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
