my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
