I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
