My friends, they love my intelligence
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
