I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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