Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize