It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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