That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
