I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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