I didn't shave. On purpose
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
