how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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