Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Randomize
