69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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