I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
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