and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
