They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
