I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
