Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
