My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Randomize
