Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
