Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
