I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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