i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
