I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
