the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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