don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Randomize
