if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize