I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
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