Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
