If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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