all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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