too bad you live with your parents still
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
