I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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