how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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