Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
What changed your mind?
Being sober
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
