Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
