ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
