Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
