you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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