She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I need to wash the frat house off of me
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
