Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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