Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
