You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
