Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
