So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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