So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
