a queef is a wish your heart makes.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
