The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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