the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
