Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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