I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I accidentally burped into my bong.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
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