She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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