Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
