God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
