I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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