I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize