I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
