I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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